(Sample- A Helmet Is a Helmet Is a Helmet)

 

 

MAN 3

(Enters holding a picture in his hands.)

I found him!

 

MAN 1

You found whom?

 

MAN 3

I found Jonathan.

 

WOMAN

Is he Jewish?

 

MAN 1

If his father is Jewish, he is Jewish.

 

MAN 2

Mother.

 

WOMAN

Mother what?

 

MAN 2

If his mother is Jewish, he is Jewish.

 

MAN 3

It’s not the mother. It’s the penis.

 

(Confusion. Pause)

You have to check his penis. If he is not circumcised, he is not Jewish.

 

WOMAN

Even if his father is Jewish?

 

MAN 2

Mother.

 

WOMAN

Mother what?

 

MAN 2

Not father—-mother!

 

WOMAN

So, it is the mother or the penis.

 

MAN 3

The penis.

 

MAN 1

And how do you know?

 

MAN 2

By looking.

 

WOMAN

That’s inappropriate guys!

 

MAN 2

But it is important.

 

WOMAN

Why?

 

MAN 2

Because you can’t bury a non-Jew in a Jewish cemetery.

 

WOMAN

Even if his father was a Jew?

 

MAN 3

Mother.

 

WOMAN

Even if his mother was a Jew?

 

MAN 2

Yes, and even if he lost his life to protect the Holy Land.

 

WOMAN

Holy…

So, then, how do you…

 

MAN 2

By looking. The authorities look at the corps and…then…yeah.

 

 

DON QUIXOTE

(Enters on a horse.)

 

MAN 1 or 2 or 3

(To DON QUIXOTE.)

Are you Jonathan?

 

MAN 1 or 2 or 3

He is not. He is Alonso.

 

MAN 1 or 2 or 3

Alonso?

 

MAN 1 or 2 or 3

Alonso Quijano. A poor village gentleman in Cervantes’s novel.

 

WOMAN

Don Quixote! He is Don Quixote.

 

MAN 1 or 2 or 3

Or she.

 

WOMAN

He.

 

MAN 1 or 2 or 3

How do you know?